The episode kicks off the way we like it, with a screaming match already in full swing. Whitney and Heather – prophetically dubbed “Bad weather” by Lisa – have become two tornadoes raging through Scottsdale, accusing each other of lying about who knew what Lisa Barlow is saying when. Yes, a family breaking up is tragic (let’s be real, they’re just third cousins), but not as tragic as the steaks left on the grill in that explosion – which the editors have respectfully given an “in memoriam”.
Heather says being called a liar is a big accusation, but it’s for something pretty stupid – and she’s right. This completely silly argument is not only fueled by alcohol and misunderstanding, but it’s also contextualized by Whitney’s newfound desire to stand up for herself in light of her healing journey. Unfortunately, this first attempt at self-defense isn’t cohesive enough to resonate.
Whitney then accuses Heather of being charged at the basketball game when the gossip spread, to which a bewildered Heather replies, “If I was charged, then don’t hold me responsible!” The currently loaded Whitney doesn’t have a shred of sense as she approaches Heather, who throws Whitney out of her and into the windows like she’s a paper doll. “You lost me forever,” Heather yells as she walks away, but on Housewives “forever” usually means around a season and a half max, so fingers crossed.
Now, if you recall, this is just a spinoff fight from last week’s main event, which Lisa Barlow was at the center of. But now, much like the cold Coca-Cola she pulled out of the fridge, Lisa has chilled and pulls her allies Jen and Heather aside to thank them for their friendship. Heather assures Lisa that she never had a conversation about “your marriage or extramarital affairs,” which was funny enough to deserve one of those cymbal sound effects from the editors.
Lisa and Whitney are heading out for the night, but you’d be wrong if you thought that was the end of the festivities. At 2:11 a.m., Jen uses her megaphone to bust out a twerking instructor who Heather, understandably, mistakes for a stripper. Her name is Crystal Pussy, and she’s also Jen’s makeup artist. Where has Crystal Pussy been all this time? Was she just hiding in a room somewhere while the women were screaming at each other waiting to emerge?
Jen explains that the Shah Squad has to wear a lot of different hats lately – and I hope that means Crystal Pussy is her advocate too. Women’s hearts are clearly not in twerking, with Meredith particularly ill-equipped for this late-night challenge. “I can squeeze a butt,” she says, sounding a lot like Michael Darby.
The next morning, Heather wakes up to a bed full of loose Milk Duds and begins picking up pieces of a torn note on the floor. She starts putting the pieces together like she’s in it national treasure to reveal the message: “Heather, no words needed here. Bad weather, NO MATTER WHAT. ILYSM. Xoxo, Whitney. Whitney, deciding her drunken job wasn’t done, had slipped into Heather’s room last night to tear up the welcome note she’d previously left for him before their outburst.
In the cold morning light, Whitney still feels betrayed. But before we pick up where we left off on this conflict, Whitney goes to see her half-brother and half-sister, Curtis and Kelli, who live nearby. The three share the same father, who you might remember from Diane Warren’s haircut from season one, but have different mothers. She tells them about her healing journey and how she wants to close this wound, and ultimately this conversation about their shared experience gives her permission to let go and heal.
Back home, and in the middle of the afternoon, the other ladies finally wake up for breakfast. And luckily for us, the editors (a great EP for them) generously slap a timestamp every time one of the ladies says hello:
Heater: “Hello!” — 2:15 p.m.
Meredith: “Hello guys. How are you?” — 2:25 p.m.
Jeans : “Hello!” – 2:30 p.m.
After her nightly routine of a burrito and some Kit Kats, Lisa tells us she’s decided to put the drama aside and focus on the original purpose of the trip, which is to be there for Jen. She will leave early to go to New York for another show trial. The worst part? Her lead attorney told her to stop taking Botox so she could move on the stand. Now, I didn’t go to law school, but if you want Jen Shah to keep a straight face during the prosecution’s arguments, I guess the more Botox the better. And two, after two seasons of this show, we’ve seen all of Jen’s emotions, and the Botox never got in the way of that.
She clarifies that she’s not 100% sure if she’ll take the stand, but says she has no problem doing so. Of course, we now know that all that prep work was for naught, as she eventually pleaded guilty instead of going to trial. So probably the closest we’ll get to her on the stand is her inevitable one-on-one with Andy Cohen at Teresa Giudice’s post-jail. WWHL (wearing an orange jumpsuit) or his Sag Harbor Sit-Down with Luann de Lesseps. At least there is a precedent!
Whitney returns just in time for all the women to gather around Jen, even helping her pack her closet and the stray extensions strewn about her room. They send it off with a group hug, all five of them. And the most unimaginable happens inside when Lisa and Meredith embrace for a 13-second hug. It turns out that the only thing that could bring these five women together was the FBI.
It’s the third rainy night in Scottsdale – suitably bad weather – and the four remaining women are having dinner at Dierks Bentley’s Whiskey Row. With a shot of 1942 (and a Diet Coke for Lisa, of course), the women decide they’ll each say a word they can toast to. All goes well: “love”, “peace”, “friendship” – until we come to Whitney, who hits us with “honesty”. A storm is brewing that will put this Scottsdale rain to shame.
Heather walks away to use the restroom, giving the other three a chance to debrief from the night before. Whitney feels hurt that Heather didn’t get her back and called her a liar. Thing is, I don’t think Heather ever really called her a liar – it was the other way around. Heather just said she wasn’t there for the conversation with Angie Harrington, and if she was, she had no recollection. Whitney was the one who claimed it was a lie.
What I don’t understand is this: In episode two, Whitney pulls Heather aside to tell her about the sexual favors rumor as if it’s happening for the first time, and Heather reacts accordingly. If you recall, she is completely shocked and laughs at the absurdity. If Heather was present for the conversation with Angie Harrington, why would Whitney need to tell her that she heard those rumors as if it were some kind of big reveal?
When Heather returns to the restaurant table at Dierks Bentley, Whitney tells her that she was hurt that Heather didn’t corroborate the story. Which, again, Heather couldn’t do because according to her, she didn’t know. Heather firmly says she’s absolutely never had a conversation about blowjobs for the seats at the edge of the yard, a hilarious phrase she keeps repeating until Lisa finally chimes in with, “Can we stop saying that?” This conflict escalated to such an extent that the Jazz tickets themselves practically became a footnote.
Heather says it was meant to be a journey for Jen, and that’s where she gets into some bumpy, callous ground, blaming Whitney for doing it about her – referencing Friday night’s reveal on his childhood trauma. Seeing us derail, Meredith rushes to play the mediator, in vain. What finally put an end to this unproductive conversation was the arrival of the sliders at the table. Nothing puts the women of Salt Lake City comfortable as a plate of apps.
Back home in their matching pajamas and over a few plates of cheesecake, Meredith gifts women hats with emojis that spell out FBI – a reference to last season’s rumor about her leaking information about Jen at the FBI. They are all amused and Heather asks if Jen has seen it before. And of course, Jen loves merchandising; just a few weeks ago, she was the one who advised Meredith to launch Garbage Trash Whore t-shirts.
Speaking of Jen, the women recount how impressive her strength and ability to compartmentalize was during the ordeal, while speculating on the outcome. Nobody really knows what to expect, but luckily they have one of our most eloquent legal minds, Meredith Marks, on hand to answer their questions.
At this point, Jen is the only defendant who hasn’t reached a plea deal and plans to go to trial – and naturally, the most shocking of those plea deals was her assistant Stuart, who we all infinitely knew was loyal to Jen. . The women wonder if a plea would still be on the table for Jen, and Meredith says a plea would normally mean giving information about a bigger fish, but the question is, is Jen the big fish in all of this? ? Either way, Meredith says the odds are not in her favor because the Southern District of New York has a 98% conviction rate.
Admittedly, we’re looking at this case from a very specific perspective, from the perspective of Jen and this group of women – who are currently just happy that this trip was able to offer their friend some respite, despite everything The bad weather.